Rumors and Stereotypes

(Caveat: Candace, if I'm confusing you with someone else, let me know!)

I remember Candace Chellew-Hodge telling a story once about someone (I think a family member) stating their opposition to GLBT folk with a litany of awful things GLBT did. I think Candace's friend/relative had heard these things on a talk radio program. Things like promiscuity, recruitment of children, drug use, alcoholism, and who knows what all.

Candace replied something to the effect, "Why are you believing what they say on the radio over the life you see me lead?" Or something to that effect.

I thought it was an excellent comeback.

I mean, despite ample evidence, no one believes that all straight people hang out at sports bars, are constantly on the look-out for their next hook-up, practice serial monogamy, are involved in domestic violence, and procreate more by chance than design. It's ludicrous to see it in print, isn't it?

GLBT folk get these sorts of generalizations all the time. And while I've known some church-going queers who were also regulars at the bars, the same is true of a bunch of church-going straight folk. I mean, does everyone really believe that the straight, single male is at the bar merely to drink a couple of beers? Well, maybe, but it's just as likely he's there to meet someone to take home.

But no one seems to be talking about that. I mean, the document that outlines the celibacy requirement for ELCA rostered professionals (briefly known as Visions and Expectations for the non-Lutherans out there) states that single straight pastors are to be celibate until marriage. And while that may happen sometimes, I know of plenty of situations that this was not true. In other words, no one is taking a survey and asking around to find out if the straight, single pastors are virgins or if they're remaining chaste with their betrothed before the wedding night.

So, it seems that there are many places where double standards are applied here.

And so much of the discussion seems to be about what "they say" GLBT folk do. Well, okay, let's have that discussion, if it's pertinent to someone's ability to serve as pastor---but you can bet I'll start asking the straight clergy about their sexual history.

Is that harsh? I don't mean it to be, but honestly, Visions and Expectations is one of the most tread upon documents (at least as far as sexual conduct goes) and everyone looks the other way except when it's a pastor who is attracted to someone of her/his own sex.

So, can we put aside all the things "they say" about GLBT folk---and maybe even about straight single men (especially)---and get to know one another? Maybe we'll discover that we're all fragile, broken people living under grace and not up to anyone's vision or expecation.